I have a few of questions: It is possible that the couples could be reacting differently than they would in their home setting due to a subconscious or conscious awareness that they're analyzed? If so, how does Gottman adjust for it? If not, what preventative measures does he take to be sure that the individuals are acting as 'natural' / accurate as possible - especially when the couple are talking face to face? If a couple is going to the lab due to a failed marriage, and one of the individuals has a history of not being truthful or commonly withholds information, how can Gottman be sure that this individual is not acting on those same behaviors, and instead is providing an accurate presentation of him/her self?
I think that the amount of time he has spent collecting data on couples is great. I think that it is good we have someone studying the behaviors that drive couple apart since marriage and relationships are a huge majority of our lives and something common in society. I think that its funny how they say that those who share a affectionate and warm memories of how they first met are stronger. What about people who meet in odd circumstances or in places that don't seem fun to tell about or romantic for example at the local bar. Are those couples who met in the bar less likely to be strong couples? It is very possible but I don't know without data to say otherwise I am ignorant to that answer since its not something i have looked into. I also think it is good they look at physiological and facial expressions in the video tapes of the couples answers and that all four horsemen are measured.
It is good that we have someone out there studying this as I mentioned before but also who is an optimist on making marriages work. I am sure that it is easier to give up and let things go bad than to work them out.
I have strong reservations about how genuine people can behave being wired up to machines, videotaped and probed by coders. If I went into that situation with my x/wife or an x/gf I think it would have brought us together for a moment longer, not by following this guy's wisdom, but by the sheer silliness of it. If it works for some people, then it works for some people. This seems to me like the opposite of romanticism.
The Four horsemen of the Apocalypse are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. These are used to predict relationship stability, and Dr. Gottman will analyze the material and meet with the couples and remains optimistic about working with couples and making marriage work. It seems this is a simplistic idea with complex math and what I mean by that is you have to take into consideration your significant other and work together to make your relationship work. While there are certain circumstances for instance abuse that you should get out of a marriage. Something that I know not every couple considers doing is when getting married they should agree to not make divorce even a option, this decision will make you work harder to have a happier relationship.
5 comments:
To reference what I wrote in the Four Horseman comment, I don't know if I would be mature enough to trust myself in the "Love Lab".
I have a few of questions: It is possible that the couples could be reacting differently than they would in their home setting due to a subconscious or conscious awareness that they're analyzed? If so, how does Gottman adjust for it? If not, what preventative measures does he take to be sure that the individuals are acting as 'natural' / accurate as possible - especially when the couple are talking face to face? If a couple is going to the lab due to a failed marriage, and one of the individuals has a history of not being truthful or commonly withholds information, how can Gottman be sure that this individual is not acting on those same behaviors, and instead is providing an accurate presentation of him/her self?
-Bianca Sturchio
I think that the amount of time he has spent collecting data on couples is great. I think that it is good we have someone studying the behaviors that drive couple apart since marriage and relationships are a huge majority of our lives and something common in society. I think that its funny how they say that those who share a affectionate and warm memories of how they first met are stronger. What about people who meet in odd circumstances or in places that don't seem fun to tell about or romantic for example at the local bar. Are those couples who met in the bar less likely to be strong couples? It is very possible but I don't know without data to say otherwise I am ignorant to that answer since its not something i have looked into. I also think it is good they look at physiological and facial expressions in the video tapes of the couples answers and that all four horsemen are measured.
It is good that we have someone out there studying this as I mentioned before but also who is an optimist on making marriages work. I am sure that it is easier to give up and let things go bad than to work them out.
Christina Valeriani
I have strong reservations about how genuine people can behave being wired up to machines, videotaped and probed by coders. If I went into that situation with my x/wife or an x/gf I think it would have brought us together for a moment longer, not by following this guy's wisdom, but by the sheer silliness of it. If it works for some people, then it works for some people. This seems to me like the opposite of romanticism.
The Four horsemen of the Apocalypse are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. These are used to predict relationship stability, and Dr. Gottman will analyze the material and meet with the couples and remains optimistic about working with couples and making marriage work. It seems this is a simplistic idea with complex math and what I mean by that is you have to take into consideration your significant other and work together to make your relationship work. While there are certain circumstances for instance abuse that you should get out of a marriage. Something that I know not every couple considers doing is when getting married they should agree to not make divorce even a option, this decision will make you work harder to have a happier relationship.
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